I am literally penniless here, obliged to petition people, almost to beg for my keep, not having a penny to buy canvas and paints . . .
I am distressed, almost discouraged, and fatigued to the point of feeling slightly ill. What I am doing is no good, and in spite of your confidence I am very much afraid that my efforts will all lead to nothing.
I was born undisciplineable. No one was ever able to make me stick to the rules, not even in my youngest days.